Dear Sal…

I catch myself reaching for my phone to text you. To tell you something I thought was funny. To vent. To ask what you think. And then it hits me all over again. You're not here. Not the way you used to be. But I write to you anyway.

I still hear your voice in the quiet moments. I still hear the way you say my name like it belongs to you. Sometimes I hear you call me “Chompy”—softly, or with that sarcastic lilt when you were trying to get under my skin.

Yes, you annoyed the shit out of me sometimes. Okay, a lot of the time.... but in between, there were the good moments. Road trips, cooking together, taking classes random ass classes together, cuddling in bed together, all of the "togethers".

At times, I feel angry at you for leaving me, and I ache to be with you again. But I also know—deep down—that you wouldn’t have left me if you didn’t think I’d be okay. You believed in me even when I didn’t. In the end, I am grateful for the time we had together even if I wish there was more.
It’s funny how the things I used to think mattered so much just don’t seem all that important anymore. 

The Ones Who Change Everything

There are people who pass through your life and leave you mostly unchanged—nice enough, fun enough, maybe somewhat forgettable. And then there are the rare ones. The ones who don’t just leave a mark, they carve a whole new depth inside you. You are that person for me. You are MY person.

Having you in my life has forever changed the way I look at and experience the world. It’s not that you were a good influence (because most of the time you got me into trouble) or that we had some fun adventures (though that’s also true). It’s deeper than that. You rewired something in me.

You asked better questions than I was asking myself. You challenged my assumptions, not in a confrontational way, but with that childlike curiosity I appreciated so much. 

The Gift of Being Fully Seen

There’s a kind of transformation that happens when someone really sees you—not the version of you that you’ve edited for public consumption—the messy, complicated, unedited version. And instead of running for the hills, you leaned in. You never ever gave up on us even when I did. You kept coming back to me.

There’s a strength in that kind of partnership that gave me the courage to lean into myself too.

Carrying the Love Forward

You are done with this part of your journey. I knew you didn't want to stay here long anyway. And in a way, I'm happy for you.

But you’re not gone either.

You are EVERYWHERE.

All that makes you a permanent part of who I am. Everything I do from this point forward carries a trace of your influence. There’s no part of my day you haven’t woven yourself into. You’re stitched into me now, in ways I never knew a person could be.

Even my thoughts sound different now. They carry your voice. Your perspective colors how I interpret what’s happening. Your faith in me echoing when I start to doubt myself. You helped me become who I am. You helped me get to this place. So now, when I make choices—big ones and small—I do it with that inner alignment that you helped me access.

I didn’t recognize how fundamentally you had changed me until now. Not in the way that overtakes my identity, but in the way that becomes the scaffolding for a stronger, more honest version of me. That’s what you gave me. A scaffolding. A foundation. And room for me to grow into myself.

Your love is still doing it’s work.

One Day

One day, my love, I'll join you wherever you are. But for now, I know you'll understand that I want to stay a little longer. There are still places I want to see and things I want to do. And yes, I will always be there for your parents. They are my family too. 

Wherever you are, I still hope you find a way to take care of me. Because I miss you. I love you.